Saturday, March 07, 2009


In our first week of the FIREPROOF Your Marriage, we talked about the differences of men and women. Using the clip from FIREPROOF, we looked at the difference in how Caleb and Katherine vocalized their frustration of their marriage.

In group discussions, it is usually pretty easy to get women or men to bash the other gender, but the point of this discussion was quite the opposite. What is it about the other gender that you like?

One of the main points of the lesson is realizing what says respect to your husband and what says love to your wife. Seems that this issue comes up so many times with men and women. Many women really don't understand what says respect to men.

I keep going back to what we learned in the little books For Women Only and For Men Only. Shaunti Feldhahn identifies so many fundemental issues for women and for men. Sure would have saved Ed and I a lot of hurt early in our marriage. We have both changed so much, sometimes it is hard to remember what we did wrong. I know we both said hurtful things to each other. Now, Ed rarely gets upset with me and I with him. We show each other so much appreciation. It is so much easier to serve and support someone who shows and verbalizes appreciation.

We see so many couples who get to the "He said/She said" stage so quickly. They have been in the argumentative/conflict stage so long, it is hard for them to know how to relate to each other in a positive way. What happened to them? How did they go from a couple in love earlier in their marriage to this couple in conflict?

I think for many of them, they quit valuing their differences. Instead, they focus on the parts that irritate them rather on the parts that they admire or love. I wonder what would happen if we would take a 30 day pledge to memorize and practice the following verse:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

As a husband and wife, we forget that we are on the same team working together. One isn't better than the other, we are just different. God made us to fit together, to complement each other, to work together as a team.

In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.
1 Corinthians 11:11