Obstacles in Marriage, Tanzania

During each of our Pastoral Family Enrichment Conferences in east Africa, we give them a chance to discuss the challenges in having a successful marriage. Most countries express the same obstacles which the pastors in Morogoro shared this year.

When asked to detail the obstacles in marriage in Tanzania, they said:

1. Male dominance (this issue rose to the top time after time)
2. Customs, culture, and traditions: the people don’t know biblical principles, leaders have marital problems and don’t model godly marriage
3. Traditions don’t encourage closeness with wife, don’t eat together, etc.
4. Lack of biblical teaching about marriage in churches, not enough emphasis on marriage, more focused on evangelism.
5. Poverty, Unemployment: husbands and wives transfer from region to region to find work and they are divided by their jobs.

Donna Edwards, Nickson Kalinga, and Ed Edwards teaching at Pastoral Enrichment Conference
Morogoro, Tanzania

Rhett and Megan O'Briant, Living Well Team in MOROGORO

When travelling on a short-term mission trip, the people on the team can make an enormous amount of difference in the outcome and enjoyment. Rhett and Megan O’Briant accompanied us two years ago to Zambia. We appreciated their teaching skills and support overall to the mission effort. On this trip, we expanded their teaching role and the Africans loved them. Even though they are younger than most of those who attended, they were well received because of their openness and candor about their own marriage. Their willingness to do whatever was needed, from operating the video camera to carrying luggage through airports, endeared them to us forever.

Rhett and Megan at the Bethel Church with Nickson Kallinga, the pastor

Rhett and Megan use a visual aid, two large hearts and smaller hearts for each particpant. They are using the hearts to demonstrate what happens to our hearts when damaging patterns of communcation exist in our marriages.

They end with showing how God can heal those hearts through forgiveness.

From the O’Briant’s: “The participants came with an unmatched desire to learn and leave with a commitment not only to improve their marriages, but also to create marriage ministries within their churches. God’s hand was in each detail along the way.”

Bagamoyo Church Follow-up

Bagamoyo, Tanzania

As I write, it is late Thursday afternoon, June 25. We have a short break, enough time for me to compose some thoughts of the last few days. We came back to Bagamoyo on Monday afternoon. We love the beauty of this area, lots of palm trees, sandy beaches.
We are staying near a Muslim mosque. We are reminded of how the sounds of the ocean, the wind in the palm trees, and the birds compete with the five daily prayers broadcast over loud speakers everyday. Those prayers drown out all other sounds during those times each day. The Christians here feel that they are fighting the battle for the hearts and minds of their friends and neighbors against those who are devoted to Allah.
Our workshop for Building a Comprehensive Marriage Ministry was Tuesday morning. This workshop is just for churches in this area; we are doing another one on the 30^th for those in the Dar es Salaam area. We had a good turnout. Everything starts late in Africa. We had a lot to cover, our training lasted 3 hours. We had some encouraging sharing; most of the time they listened and took notes diligently as we talked.
One of the questions we asked was about the main issues concerning marriage. Most of the issues were tied to male dominance in marriage, including beatings, controlling the money, and ignoring the family.
They also shared what impressed them from the weeklong conference we had conducted. They shared a wide variety of issues and were very open and honest.
Several pastors shared their lack of giving priority to their families. Some shared about how it impressed them when Alvin talked about being affectionate with their children and he demonstrated through hugging his teenage daughters (a very uncommon practice here). One women shared how a Muslim neighbor was asking about the seminar and wanting to attend such a seminar, none being available in the Muslim mosque. Another woman shared what she had learning about budgeting with her co-workers and how they had gathered around, wanting to learn all that they could.
After lunch, we meet with the pastors/church leaders who had come from the remote villages outside of Bagamoyo. Our purpose in meeting with them (and later individual churches) is to see what challenges they face in developing a marriage ministry. Many feel that them must conduct a seminar in the same way we did and they don't have the means to provide meals, etc. A common concern is that they think the church members or others will question why they have expertise to teach on marriage.
At every meeting we have conducted, the common agreement is how much they need teaching on marriage. When you say the word "marriage" many of them giggle and act embarrassed because they equate the word "marriage" with sex. Sexual preoccupation is heavy on the minds of many men here, resulting in abuse or demands. When we present all of the other aspects of marriage and present God's view on sex, they see a very new perspective.
They are very encouraged with our presence in meeting personally with their churches. We have had some very good meetings and some sad ones. However in each meeting, we have found individuals with a real passion and commitment to see a marriage ministry succeed. This extended ministry time has given us more insight into the challenges of the African people and into the dynamics of their marriages. We are better teachers and trainers because of this new understanding.
We have had a wonderful interpreter, Nickson. He has a common heart in training leaders and started a ministry for that purpose. He has not only interpreted our words but has been a bridge for us to interpret the culture. Even though he lives in the Dar es Salaam area, he comes to this area regularly to minister. He is a young pastor and leader in his denomination, but has a great understanding of leadership and a strong sense of networking among different denominations. He has offered to be a link, resource, and source of encouragement between the churches and us as we return to the states.
We meet with more churches tomorrow and then Ed will preach on Sunday. We will return to Dar es Salaam on Monday for our final week. We hope to see the historical sites of the area on Saturday.
We appreciate your prayers for our ministry work and our continued good health.